Soul Mates: I am simply here to test you: Life Theme

Circular Circles.

Resultant set of policies.

I feel like I have to talk about this topic as it is far extending, and wide, and ever present in our lives. If I relate to you one of my own experiences with this, it might be of use. It might not. Hey. Everything is one big massive shift of energies, perceptions within ourselves and the world seems like a different place. Projecting what we believe in ourselves shifts the perceptions of how we see the world, and others in our lives (previously covered in rose tinters).

Before I launch into a massive rendition of rear view mirror reflection, I’d like to share with you a few of my angelic moments of late. I honestly sometimes wonder how boring this is to read about, these experiences are so part of my normal day to day that I don’t even consider batting an eyelid anymore – but yet, I do. My heart skips a beat in knowingness. I say out loud (ahem, like I did the other day in the ladies toilets!!! inviting such bizarre facial expressions from innocent others………in my defence I thought I was alone…..) “Thank you Angels.” There I was staring into the mirror wondering where on earth at the bottom of my giant massive bag were my kirby grips? I had to do something with this hair, other than wash it in bicarb……….I think I even muttered under my breath, where are those kirby’s? I was about to walk out with the freeflow mane that I have sprouted, and yet my attention was drawn to a different area in the ladie’s loos….Yes, I think you know what I am going to say. Two Kirby grips lay before my very eyes. I decided these were for me, so I took them….!!!! Thanks to the lady who left them there……..I know you are thinking what I am thinking.

Although I don’t speak of it (far) too much; I brought into my current life with me, some past life issues. Let’s leave it at that. I had another opportunity this week where the universe literally put me down on my hands and knees, and though bruised and slightly pained – I realised it was my chance to react in a different way. Therefore, I did so. I can only imagine what my neighbour thought I was doing this time. I called in the blue light that I love so much from Sirius, my pain was diminished to the extent where I could function as I normally do. Rejoice! Was this a test? It may have been.

A different opportunity for ultimate growth and ponderings are those which engage us in a spar of energies. Energies which can for the life of us drain out every last effort of wishing for a change. However, in doing so, you see, they present mirrors of our own reflection. I feel it is true that for every aspect we acknowledge as a dislike in another – there it is – staring back at us – our very own faults which we sometimes refuse to take on. Mirror mirror in my hall. I see whats in you and I hear your call. You reflect. Maybe, I don’t like it. Like some things in life though – appearances can be deceptive and sometimes glow in a certain cloak to allow us to go with it for a while, when the outcome is so very much different than that which was intimated – but one which is ultimately beneficial, despite our unrest at where it could have/should have/or wasn’t even going to lead.
Sometimes you can’t understand the divinely guided tiny miniscule jigsaw pieces (ever been Hansal and Gretal’ed?) Maybe we are not meant to. As I say though, when the time is right, information is disclosed. Or something like that.

A trip down life theme lane.

This one’s about jealousy. A major theme in my own life has been of the jealous nature. I seem to have been ‘gifted’ with it, but at some juncture I have been so embroiled in it, I have managed to almost let it go. Did I just say that out loud? I have let it go. It might have to do with those ever circulating circular opportunities which present themselves as soul-folks on my path. Now. Here me when I say this: I have a strong belief with the date we chose to be born on, and why this places us in the magnatude of planetary alignment forces in our themes, in our life paths.

Allow me to digress – I be Scorpio. Scorpio folks are renowned for their possessiveness, intensity etc, Oh how the list goes on. Did I mention obsessive, secretive and trustworthy? Inside possessiveness rears the mind of jealousy. However, in my line of experience it does stem from the fear. The fear. The fear. Albeit many flavours and tones of the jealousy can be occuring, allow me to tackle the one which I am most au fait with. The one where others might steal your beloved from underneath your nose.

Yip. I’ve been there, I’ve been the most amazingly jealous person I could ever have been. Heck, I found something I could really excel at! What I didn’t realise however, was that this is failing for me to believe in myself. In my early romantic life, it was a challenge for me to feel completely loved. I really struggled with my own self-suspicion of just *how* another person could open themselves up (trust issues, anyone? ie mine) and give of themselves freely and truly to me. In fact, I almost didn’t believe that it could be true – even though that is what my then beloved was actually doing. After a long time of disbelieving, generally making our lives utter hell, I eventually choked the life out of my relationship and all the goodness that was actually there. How could I have possibly wished to do this to myself, or another? Well, it felt right at the time, that is why. I felt required to feel loved, and I felt probably looking back – unworthy. Now, come on. Don’t be like that. This isn’t my pity party, this is my LOVE party. I am so full of the positive vibes, I write them up here so you can feel them 🙂

My partner had become so worn down by my constant pleas of insecurities, me showing my distrust for him and his life and neediness to know that he ‘really’ did love me, that when we eventually parted, I felt such a huge relief. I didn’t have the worry anymore. I didn’t have the person that really loved me anymore, I’d squashed him to a shadow of his former self. Oh my goodness, I’d allowed myself to ruin what was really and truly real. All because I somehow got soaked up in self-sabotage, a game of ‘if he cheats on me, then I will be right. Hah!’. The poor guy only had a social life and ambition, something which I hadn’t even thought was important. Why would he want any of that? Hellooooo I am here……Enough said. Surely I could fill all of his every waking requirement? So you see, a little bit of neediness and arrogance and ignorance and stupidity all rolled into one umbrella of love me love me love me. Really a poor move on my part, but one which felt like I had to go through and accomplish at the same time.

Moving on from that relationship allowed increasing opportunities to appear (did I attract them?), except this time the tables were turned. On me. Big time. The universe had a direct way of showing me exactly *how* I had treated another, as this was me facing the same as I had put upon my previous love. Oh. There I was playing the part of the person who wasn’t trusted, and was being continually questioned. How on earth could I have been that person in a previous relationship? Didn’t I care about myself, or my partner? The thing is though, this relationship where the tables turned – I actually thought the world of this guy. But, his constant control mechanisms and all other manners of manipulation forced my hand. There is no way I could be with someone who thought so little of me. I think this is exactly how I made my previous partner feel. Yuck. He wanted no one to steal me, so he really created a situation where (I allowed myself) to become a completely different person whilst trying to appease him. I became someone unrecognisable to myself. I became someone he no longer recognised. I allowed myself to become squashed. No one likes squashed, let alone those who might be tempted to steal you from another. Voila. His mission accomplished.

Sometimes you just can’t know things until you have really been through the mill and back again.

I am so very blessed, is all I can say. Here we are then. A few life lessons have passed. A few life lessons and yet again completely disguised soul mates, coming out of the woodwork to put me to my challenges yet again. COME ON you guys!!!! Give me a break. But this time, I can see them coming (well, nearly!). The thing about having been both victim and perp mean that when faced with another who shows you who you were once upon a time, means that when your tests arrive (yes really, yes again, and again and again just to make sure): you change the story for good this time. Perhaps that other person doesn’t thinkso – but see, really: We are fulfilling our parts in the tiny tiny jigsaw pieces that create a multidimensional trip in our lives tapestries. In real time.

I know now. I’ve been through it now. More times than I care to recall and more times and with different hats on. The disguises were really really good. I have no misconceptions and those beautiful soulmates have no place to hide, not with me anyway. I was there, where they are. I am not them now. I AM ME. I love me, now. And, you know what – those who truly love me show me how to do it by example. Freedom and complete trust. Freedom to be who I really am without recourse of action. Without expectation. Providing the encouragement where before there has been not-so-much to that level. To you I am so honoured and grateful. Thank you for showing me what it really means. That is a gift beyond anything I could have ever imagined. An immeasureable gift.

This brings me to the line of identifying themes and repeating patterns. Oooh! they are called, in colloquial by me: Circular Circles. They can come in disguise. Trick or treeeeeeat? Presently a dear friend is being faced with the same flavour of circumstance. Sometimes it’s your buddies who point it out to you though. It’s time to change the record. Change your story, you have the power. You always have the power. You just need to believe it. Change your response to something which has always been a situation you find yourself in. Ever find yourself beating your head metaphorically off a brick wall? Well – that’s your key. It seems like nothing will ever change. You have to change. Therein lies the answer, and sometimes it seems like it is not going to be so simple. It should be. Allow me to enter my fav chestnut line of “remember the heart radar” – it never lets you down, let that be part of your wakeup process. Get on it. This could be your biggest life challenge. You could feel so free.

So. I realise that this hasn’t turned out to be the topic I was ‘actually’ going to share, but it must have come for a reason, right? Are our lives, a series of tests? Did I agree to come here and to be the most ME I could ever be, the Scorpionic me who is transiting a second quarter moon? Who knows.

Well. Let’s see. The whole “I am simply here to test you”, completely rings true. With many people, in many senses. Many of my life’s most harshest lessons have come from those who purport love. Oh yes. Love is the answer to everything. The circle of love. Showing you from every possible angle what it means. Once you know something you can create your own knowing perspective. There is no pity, there is no judgement, there is only love.

Can I move onto the part where I tell you that I have been seeing nonstop rainbows this week???

PS After requesting some more female energies in my life I have met and connected with some beautiful people that have come into my life to join me, and all I can say – is keep it coming soul starmate sisters I love each and every one of you. Thank you for being so wonderfully open to share your love with me. Amazing.

Until next time, when I disclose something probably not so long…………Obviously depending on my mood though, right?

Please, Don’t go anywhere. I will be right back. With all my heart.


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