Insular Polarities; Dark Knight of the Soul

There’s a whole load of inner reflection time at the moment. Then there’s the whole load of self-aware distraction time happening too. It’s almost like being guided to go within and sometimes we don’t want to face up to the consequences of our own admittance of what we really want. What we really need. Questioning the very decisions that led us to where we currently are. Questioning the reality that we currently know is real, but yet, try hard to find our way back to our familiar normal-point; where all feels safe, even with the knowing that the very safe feeling consists of such old energy that we just want to kick the butt of. Bigtime.

And so we continue.

Whilst gazing into the ethers I was given the vision of 3 Knights. These Knights were wearing tarnished, copper-like suits of armour – and all were faceless, displaying only darkness of the emptyness of their faces. I wasn’t quite sure what this meant. I left the vision where I had received it, and I moved on.

Today whilst sitting at my day-job desk, I realised what this vision meant. It was symbolism for ‘dark night of the soul.’ There are many descriptions of what this actually is, but I know that I have experienced this for myself. Or, my perception of what this might be.

A little before my 33rd Birthday, and in the time after it, I experienced a massive vibrational downshifting of my perception of my life. I was literally burnt out with my life, and I couldn’t make head nor tale of what was actually something that a) was truly a feeling of my own in my own body, and b) what I even felt about anything anymore. I was highly emotional, tense, on edge, close to tears and unable to vocalise or express what the hell was happening with me, my emotions, my senses, or my life. This seemed to build up and build up, and it really got on top of me in a major way. What was I doing with my life anyway? I was crying in my sea salt bath, asking my angels to please ‘get me out of this hole!’, I was literally begging them for help and then a stag appeared. This beautiful stag was warning me about my energy. I had to take care, I had to protect. Yeah, I know – a stag. Yes, really.

I have been prone to periods of depression in my life, but looking further and experiencing the absorption of energies of others around me – I have come to question the root of these depressive states. Is it the case that I am just over absorbing of whatever’s going on around me? Is it, that I am just more affected by ‘things’ than others? Is it that I just need my own space, my own downtime, and I just have to be by myself for a large part of any given week? Is it that I am riding the ebb and flow of the thought creations I have created around myself, and I must just suck it up; or make the change?

Anyhows, back to this precipice point of near my 33rd birthday. 2011. Stuff was happening in my life. Emotions from another were over-riding my own energy system. I wasn’t quite sure how to ‘get rid’ of this, and sometimes I wasn’t able to function because of it. The feeling of high-anxiety was ever present, and when I look back – I was able to determine that I’d felt this very jolting energy at a previous juncture in my life. Ok. Great. I’d identified it. Now what? Well, at that time I had to analyse what reaction I had taken at that previous lucky last time I’d felt the energy. It felt so familiar, yet, it was drawing me back to places I’d long since left. I mean, years ago left behind. This was the universe just ensuring – for another time – that I had really really dealt with this particular pattern. Oooh universe, you have such a way about you! You disguise your motives and you dress them up in a careful tornado. But. I had learnt. I had identified. I needed help to clear the big chunky energy streamers that someone was attaching to me at a constant rate.

The thing about being energy-aware, is that there is nowhere for energy to hide. You see, if you are able to know what a vibration feels like in your body- it doesn’t matter what is being said to you……Your vibes pick it up for what it *truly* is. Also, the thing is this: people don’t always realise the power of their energy. They don’t realise that every thought they have carries a vibration, it attaches to your energy, it maybe even sends a hook into you and, depending on just what the intention *really* is, it either sucks the life out of you, or buoyantly merges with a frequency to support you on your journey together.

You know my experience just had to be the obvious one, don’t you?  This one was sucking the life out of me. I had no way to actually tell the person involved. Even if I did – it wouldn’t have made one bit of difference. There was no way that this person would have ever imagined that their feelings, actions and thoughts were having a manifesting physical affect on me. I had to do it for myself. Lightsabres and lightshields on. Archangel Michael on hyper drive. Me taking responsibility for my own actions, feelings, thoughts and processing. Again. Learning shoes on! Again…….It doesn’t matter. This was an amazing learning experience for me. One of the best. It played out like an amazing pattern playing out. With hindsight I can say that, but in reality terms – my body was a wreck. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Despite all I knew (read: thought I knew) about energies and the like, I really was just beginning at that time. It’s an ever layering layer of learning and knowing, and it always will be. Just as well!!! I am pretty much aware that I had to go through this energy-tornado with this person. I am so sure we agreed this before we landed down again.

So? What of any of this then? Well, this was a small part of what I am terming my own dark night of the soul. I have lovingly named this post ‘Knight’ of the soul, because you see (There was this one time, at bandcamp, I had this vision of 3 Knights! Blah blah blah….) we each have to transition our own barriers, thoughts, and beliefs – put them through the washing machine and back out again, to land on a darkness which might be darker than the darkest night. Knowing that in full perfection we will rise out into the light, and absorb back into us the lessons that we have created and accepted for ourselves. Easy for me to say now I am looking back on it, but I know it could happen again for me. It’s part of the shifting. It’s part of the growing. It’s part of the accepting and realising what is most important in our lives. I can identify with this, so that even if I want to label it as this again, I might do so. Even though, I’m not into the labels….but, when in categorising………

We are our own Knights in shining armour.

Complete with the ultimate mirrorball reflections for those around us, and those who would surround us. Lovelight comin at ya- mirrors are my teacher. The Ultimate Mirror.

If you are waiting around for someone to do the work for you, you will be waiting around. If you are giving your power away by expecting changes in your life to be made on your behalf (by who, exactly?) then you are not fully accepting the power which you do hold. You are a powerful creator in your own right and what you are not changing you are accepting. At the moment I am in a period of accepting. I am going with my trust of my life plan, the universe, the love of all on the planet and the knowing that everything is unfolding. It always is.

The dark night, is just another experience. Once you are out the other side, you can truly appreciate it for what it was………..and is. Sometimes you just have to let it all go, and sit on the trust seat.

Wishing you starlight in your soul, so you may accept your sparkle essence light for what it *really* feels like, in your own heart, in your own body and in your own, perfect time.

With love xxx

PS Angels love you, you have to know!

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